Home Sweet Home!

Well, about midnight on Friday night after a 3 hour drive and 2 flights (one delayed, of course), we finally arrived HOME! We were met with balloons flying from the front porch, a sign on our front door, a beautiful hydrangea plant, some gifts for the big brother, and a refrigerator full of food! We sure do have the most wonderful friends! We are so thankful. After a few hours of sleep on Friday night, we spent yesterday unpacking and spending time together at home...felt so nice! We're loving every minute of learning how to adapt as a family of 4. It's had its challenges, but we're getting there.

Now that we're home and settled, this will probably by our last post for awhile. Using this blog to share our journey has been wonderful. We loved having everyone join us each step of the way. We cannot put into words how blessed we are. "The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" Psalm 126:3. It's been a long road, but this road was paved with prayers. We could not have imagined a more precious gift than Camden. We were in love with him before we even met him and now we get to spend a lifetime loving him. The 4 of us are so grateful for all of your love, prayers, encouragement, and joy for us. "Thank you" just doesn't seem like enough...but thank you.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above" James 1:17a. (This was the verse we put at the very end of our adoption scrapbook, the one we sent to the agency for them to use to show to birthmothers. And, the reason for Camden's middle name...).

Homeward Bound!!!!

Got the call that we can go home! Flights are booked for this afternoon! We expected to be here another week because we were told that CT paperwork takes that long. CT got the paperwork from Kansas yesterday and approved us the same day. We also went before the judge yesterday. It was really no big deal. He just talked to us a bit and the attorney a bit. Our finalization date is set for March 29th but we don't need to come back for that. The judge was super cool, even had us go up onto his bench and take a few pictures. Camden had his pediatrician visit the day before yesterday and he was back to birth weight. So, we're free to go home! We spent last evening having dinner here with my parents, giving both boys their baths, and packing. It's insane how much stuff we have! Looking forward to starting life at home with the 4 of us!

Leaving Lauren

We said goodbye yesterday to a wonderful girl who will always be in our hearts. Lauren has given us the most precious gift and we will be forever grateful. She is a true example of selflessness. She had a choice when she got pregnant and she chose to to give Camden life. Brings me to tears when I think of her and all she's done for him and us.

Lauren called our room yesterday morning and said her dad was on his way to pick her up and asked if we'd come down to her room for some pictures. We took some photos together and then it was time for her to say goodbye. I had wondered how this moment would go. Would it be awkward? Would it be highly emotional? It was neither. Lauren said she didn't need to be alone with Camden (she had him for an hour of so the night before by herself) and that she was ready to get going. She held him, kissed his forehead, told him the she loved him very much, and then handed him back to me. She was so strong. She didn't get emotional at all. We gave Lauren a gift certificate to the restaurant where we all went to dinner back in September when we came to Kansas to meet her (she was craving sushi while she was pregnant so we thought we'd treat her to it now that she can have it again), a Spirit of Giving Willow Tree Angel because she definitely has a giving spirit, and a heartfelt card to let her know just how much she means to us. In the card we told her how grateful we are to her and promised her that we would always provide for Camden and always show him unconditional love. We wanted to make sure she had that to keep so she could always go back and look at our promise to her when she thought about him. After that, we all hugged goodbye. She seemed so at ease about everything. I couldn't help tear up for her as we wheeled Camden back down the hall to our room. We are still praying for her and I'm sure we always will. While I was up with Camden in the middle of the night last night I couldn't help but think of her and wonder how her first day/night back at home was. I still have this bittersweetness lingering in my heart over her.

We will send pictures and updates of Camden as he grows to the agency. The agency will keep a file of everything we send and Lauren is able to access it any time she wants to. Lauren told us that she'd like to send Camden a picture of herself with her name, date of birth, and social security number on the back so we can locate her down the road if he wants. She also said she's going to write him a letter and send it to us so that he can have it when he's older. She said she has some things she'd like to say to him.

We were all discharged from the hospital yesterday. It was so freeing. The 4 of us driving away together was so nice. I was giggling over the fact that we now have 2 car seats in the back seat, and they are both occupied! We brought an empty car seat with us to Kansas and it's no longer empty :) We checked into our hotel after leaving the hospital. When we stepped into our room we found a large, beautiful bouquet of flowers from Todd's boss and Steel Tech and also a welcome basket full of baby items from the hotel. Made it feel a little bit like home. We spent yesterday afternoon at the adoption agency signing form after form after form. Our first night at "home" was, well, LONG. Camden slept the entire day yesterday so he spent the entire night not sleeping :) I'm running on about 3 hours of sleep today, but I'm not complaining. I loved getting to know him in the quiet of the night. We had lots of snuggle time :) Camden is a wonderful baby. He's eating like a champ and is content when he's not hungry. Hayden's loving having a baby brother. He still hates to hear Camden cry and comes running whenever he tunes up. We have an appointment with the pediatrician tomorrow morning and will most likely meet with the judge for our interviews on Thursday. We're told we'll probably be here at least a week, maybe two, while all the paperwork for Kansas and Connecticut is completed in order for us to leave the state with Camden. We're missing home and our normal routine but also loving every moment here with our new baby boy.

We are beyond blessed. The prayers, love, and support we have received have touched our hearts. Our life is full of wonderful family and friends. We're thankful for each of you! Your excitement over this process has helped get us here. It gave us strength to keep going when times were tough. It gave us joy when you celebrated with us. Brace yourself, cuteness below...

Just a Few Photos From Today...

Brotherly Love

Hayden got to meet his baby brother today! And, my parents got to meet their newest grandson! Hayden was a little shy at first but quickly warmed up to him. He constantly wanted to hold him, hated when he cried, and was so excited to feed him a bottle. Still sinking in that we have 2 sons!

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'M YOURS!!!

The social worker came to our room this morning to let us know she was heading down to Lauren's room to do all the paperwork. Lauren has never given us any reason to think she had or would change her mind. Actually, just the opposite. She has been absolutely wonderful and would correct people that were in the room when they called her the mother. She would say "she's the mother" and point to me. She let us make all medical decisions and didn't want to give any input. She has loved on him but in a way that she seemed like someone visiting us to see him for the first time. She never held him very long and always handed him back to me so I could bond with him. Her friend came to visit and she mentioned to her friend, "you should see Dana and Camden together. It's like they were meant for each other." This whole process has gone so smoothly. We have been so blessed.

Well, we waited and waited for the social worker to come back and let us know it was done. Finally, she knocked at the door and came in. My heart was racing and honestly, I felt sick! She said, "It's all done. She signed." My walls came crashing down. I couldn't contain myself and burst into tears. That poor social worker! I'm sure she's seen that reaction many times though. I was overcome with complete joy knowing that he's ours!!! Each and every up and down were all worth it in that moment. Todd came over and hugged me and congratulations went around the room. We asked how Lauren was doing and the social worker said she was very peaceful about her decision but was a little emotional as expected. We checked in on her to see if she wanted us to get her lunch. She was doing great, up and about, disconnected from all her tubes, and had already had a shower. She asked to have some alone time with Camden in her room and we were happy to oblige. We dressed him in a cute little outfit that she bought for him and delivered him to her room. We want her to do whatever she feels comfortable with so that she can heal and not have regrets. Camden could probably be discharged from the hospital today but Lauren mentioned that she'd love it if they could both be discharged at the same time. Said it would feel weird if she were still here in the hospital after he was gone. She wants to say her goodbyes and have them both leave at the same time. So, we'll stick around until tomorrow or Monday to honor her wishes.

And Now For The Details

What a whirlwind day! It started with us planning to meet the social worker in the lobby of the hospital so we could go up and see Lauren. The social worker was coming from another hospital and asked us to wait in the south lobby until she arrived . We waited and waited but she didn't come. At the same moment Todd was texting her to see if we were in the wrong place, he got a call from her saying that we needed to get to Lauren's room as quickly as possible and gave us the room number. We had no idea what was going on but we went flying through the halls of a hospital not knowing how to get to where we needed to go. We finally found the right elevators but they weren't coming down fast enough. We started asking people for directions to the stairs but about that time the elevator arrived. While getting on the elevator someone from the adoption agency called my phone and said they needed us in Lauren's room asap because they were getting ready to break her water and wanted us there. Phew, we thought something was wrong! We told her we were already on our way. We found the floor and were asking more people how to get to the unit and room we needed. Breathless we arrived at Lauren's room. They asked Todd to stay out in the hall and I went in. Her dad, sister, and grandma were there. There was someone standing next to Lauren giving her the risks of a c-section. What is going on?! About that time another medical person came and handed me a jumpsuit, booties, and mask and asked me to get them on as quickly as possible. Lauren looked over at me and said, "are you ready?" Yes! It was great seeing Lauren again but we barely had time to say hello. Apparently Lauren had an epidural and the baby's heart rate was dropping and it was a certain deceleration that warranted a c-section. It was all happening so fast! They rushed us down the hall to the OR and asked if I had my camera. I had given it to Todd and they told me to hurry and get it. There I go again, running through the hospital halls having no idea where I was going. I couldn't find the waiting room and didn't want to risk missing the c-section for the sake of looking for my camera. However, I saw Lauren's sister in the hall and she found Todd and brought me the camera as I was waiting outside the OR to go in. They got Lauren situated and then let me come in. I sat right near her head and we finally had a chance to say hello. It felt like we picked up right where we left off in September. She thanked me for being there with her and I thanked her for letting me :) She started to get very anxious as they started the c-section and I was able to pray with her...such an amazing moment. Lauren asked his name. She loved Camden James and said that James is a family name for both sides of her family and also her favorite book of the bible. The name's even more special to us now :)

The c-section went well. Lauren and I couldn't see anything over the blue curtain but both cried tears of joy when we heard his first little cry. Camden got a little laceration on his temple during the c-section but it was superficial and is already scabbing over. We did have a little scare with him after the c-section. He cried that one time but then wasn't crying, wasn't moving, and was pale. They were giving him oxygen and we were both watching and holding our breath too, I think. He finally let out some fighting mad cries. We both relaxed a little at that point. After that, he did great. I got to hold him for the first time in the OR. He felt amazing in my arms :) That moment was so surreal. I couldn't believe he was finally here! We were transferred back to the recovery room and Lauren's family came in to see him before heading home. Todd finally got to come to the door and meet Camden but didn't stay long because Lauren was not comfortable with having him in the room yet. Lauren wanted to nap and there wasn't a room available for us yet so I sat and just rocked Camden while she slept. It was dark and quiet and I just sat, holding our new son, and reflected on just how much God has blessed us through this process.

Once Lauren was more awake and feeling better, Todd and I spent the rest of the day in her room with her family. Her mom came for a visit and we had a nice time getting to know her a bit. Camden was circumcised this afternoon and spent the rest of the day sleeping, only letting us see his eyes a few times. Lauren held Camden for the first time this evening. It was emotional but she seems very peaceful about her decision. She's been amazing through it all. The hardest part of the day was not having Hayden at the hospital with us. We knew he was in good hands with my parents but were excited to introduce him (and them too!) to his baby brother. Because we didn't have our own room at that point, weren't allowed to take the baby to any other areas, and Lauren wasn't up for visitors she didn't know, they didn't come up. We finally got our own room about 9pm. Lauren held Camden to say goodnight and then the three of us finally got to spend some time alone together. Camden is beautiful, content, has lots of hair, and loves sucking on his hands.

I know this post has been all over the place...I'm trying to get it all down but am tired and not really focused on my typing. I'm focused on the cuddly, 7 pound 12 oz, 20 inch, swaddled bundle of joy sleeping so peacefully right next to me :)

Happy Birthday, Camden!

Gotta be quick here, waiting outside the room while they take care of Lauren. I'll send more details later when we get into our own room. For now, just enjoy the cuteness of Camden! We are overwhelmed with blessings...

Is Today The Day?

Will today be Camden's birthday? We'll see! Lauren is only dilated to 1 cm! At this point, they plan to break her water and start Pitocin sometime this morning. Todd and I are meeting the social worker at he hospital at 10:15 (we're an hour behind CT here) to go up and see Lauren and her family. Then we'll be camping out in the hospital waiting room while labor progresses. Lauren says she still wants me in the delivery room so we're staying close by rather than waiting at our hotel or somewhere else. There were some fluctuations with the baby's heart rate over night so they are keeping a close eye on that and will do a C-section if he's not tolerating the induction. Please pray that he's safe and healthy. Not sure if I'll be able to post from the hospital, but we'll do our best to keep updating. Keep those prayers comin'! Thanks!

In Kansas!

We're in Kansas! And, the hospital is right across the street. We're getting closer! After 2 flights and a 2 hour drive, we arrived last night and were exhausted. We pretty much dropped our suitcases on the floor of our room and went to bed. We're going to head out and see a bit of Wichita today and maybe take Hayden to a park. It's supposed to be in the 60's here. My parents are on their way and will be here tonight. Lauren is to check in to the hospital today but most likely won't need us up there until tomorrow. We're keeping our phones close in case she goes into full labor today, but we're being told that it will most likely be tomorrow, not today. Thanks for all the prayers and support. I might not be able to respond to everyone individually while we're here, but just know that we are so blessed by all the love :)

We Have A Name!

First, I have to give my husband major props here. He's the best! I was very passionate about a certain name but he wasn't on board (or he acted like he wasn't!). The other night we were watching a UL basketball game and I slipped the name into the conversation and he didn't even notice, just acted as if that was the name of our new little one. Once I pointed out that he hadn't noticed that I just used the name, he laughed and said it was because he was paying attention to the game. He still said "no" to my name. Well, this morning I walked upstairs and the nursery door was shut. I opened the door and this is what I saw...


















Off to hang some letters....

One additional little update - The agency called today and said that Lauren wanted us to know her plan for the day of delivery. She would like to see the baby when she has him but wants me to be the first to hold him. They said she's nervous about it being uncomfortable at the time of birth and wanted to make sure everyone is aware of her plan so that it's not so uncomfortable in the delivery room. She plans to hold the baby at some point but wants us to have all the "firsts". She is just so thoughtful and strong.

Getting Closer

10 more days, but who's counting :) Lauren had her 40 week visit today (tomorrow's her due date!)...still not dilated. The plan remains for her to check into the hospital next Thursday and be induced on Friday unless she goes into labor on her own before then. So, we'll be in Kansas no later than next Wednesday, a week from tomorrow! We're still living life as usual around here as we wait. Well, other than the fact that we have piles of "stuff for Kansas" laying around, an empty refrigerator, and are trying to get by with the clothes we didn't pack. I think all of our bags are getting dusty they've been sitting packed for so long. We're excited as each day brings us a day closer to meeting baby boy. Even typing this makes my heart beat a little faster :)

Oh, and baby boy still remains nameless for now. That's a whole other story....I'm set on his name. Todd, not so much. Time will tell.

17 Days

We should have a baby in our arms in 17 days or less! Lauren had an appointment today. No progress yet. She is set to check in at the hopspital on February 2nd for an induction on February 3rd unless she goes into labor on her own before then. So, we're still hanging tight here in Connecticut for now for more waiting :)

While We Wait

As Hayden paints a "Welcome Home" sign for baby boy, and as we touch up paint in the nursery, buy a couple needed baby things, set up the bassinet, clean, and pack last minute items, we can't help but wonder how Lauren is doing. Our hearts are heavy for her. We imagine these last days with her son must be emotional for her. She has spent months with him only to part with him soon. Won't you please join us in praying for her? We're praying that she has peace in her heart over her decision, that she has people around her to encourage and support her, and that she finds comfort and even joy in the days ahead. Thank you.

Rest

During our years of infertility, God showed us what it means to wait. He taught us time and time again during those days about waiting on Him. We learned that God's timing is different than ours and we came to realize that He sees things from a different perspective, the big picture. He knows what is best for our lives. It's a hard pill to swallow when your life doesn't go just how you planned it. But, it's awesome seeing the blessings that come during the wait. ""For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways", declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9.

During this adoption process, God seems to be teaching us to rest. For a control freak like myself, it's been a challenge. I find myself over and over thinking about the "what ifs". I've had to learn what it means to take my thoughts captive. When those anxious thoughts come, I'm trying to push them away and focus on resting in God. Matthew 11:28 says "come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." There is such a comfort in giving your worries over to God. I'm getting lots of practice at it. Just this past week the adoption agency mentioned that they hadn't heard from Lauren all week and that her phone was shut off. Well, that's all I needed to hear to go straight to "what if she's changed her mind about the adoption and changed her number?". I thought to myself, okay, here's the perfect time to practice what I've been learning. So, I'm working on it. It's not easy for me, but I'm working on it. We sang this song in church on Sunday...www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0B2ybZpDeM"I am restless, I'm restless. Til I rest in You, til I rest in You. Oh God, I want to rest in You."

Lauren called the agency after her appointment yesterday. All is still going well. She's 38 weeks (they didn't move her due date forward a week like the ultrasound showed, it's still January 25th - 2 weeks from today!) and not dilated at all yet. The doctor told her they would let her go to 41 or 42 weeks before inducing. She mentioned that she still wants me in the delivery room with her, exciting! So, hopefully she'll go to 40 weeks and they will give her an idea of induction date. If that happens, we'll probably go on to Kansas and wait there. We're packed and ready! Oh, and not sure what happened with her phone. The social worker didn't get a chance to ask her because Lauren had to get off the phone because her doctor was calling in. Resting....