We're home and thrilled with how well the visit went! Todd and I arrived at the agency on Friday and spent about an hour talking with the social worker before Lauren came. We were in a conference room when the secretary came and said that Lauren had arrived. The social worker left to go to the front desk and get her. Todd and I were alone, looking at each other, whispering "oh my
goodness, this is really happening!". As soon as the door to the conference room opened Lauren came directly to me and hugged me, one of those long, understanding kind of hugs. The tears were already starting for both of us. My heart was racing and she talked of how nervous she'd been to meet us. She brought her dad's girlfriend (who has been in her life since she was a little girl) with her. Once all the introductions and hugs were done we sat around the conference room table and talked. We didn't know what to expect, but we got pretty deep, pretty quick. The thing that struck us most about Lauren was how concerned for our feelings and the baby's feeling she was. You could tell she had thought through all of it. She brought up the fact that we must be nervous that she might change her mind and said that she wanted to assure us that she was fully committed to the adoption and would have signed the papers that day if she could. She asked us to rest easy for the next few months because the adoption was going to happen. I think at that point Todd and I let out some of the breathe we've been holding for months. We still know that she could change her mind and has every right to, however we are breathing a little easier now. She also asked how and when we'd tell him about her and what we'd say. We talked about how we don't plan to keep the fact that he's adopted from him, that as soon as he's old enough to understand that we'll be talking about it, that Hayden already knows about adoption because we're very open in our home about the process we're going through. Lauren asked that we make sure to tell him that she loved him very much and was doing this out of love for him, that she just couldn't take care of him the way he deserved at this time in her life. Needless to say, it was a very emotional discussion for all of us. Lauren also asked questions like if there are any other bi-racial kids that he'll be exposed to and the type of schooling we're planning for him. She was so happy to know that we live in a diverse area, that the schools are diverse, and that there are other bi-racial families within our church. We then talked about the delivery. She asked if I'd like to be in the delivery room with her! So, if we make it in time, I'll be in there! The hospital where she's planning to deliver only allows one person in the operating room if it's a c-section and she also asked that that person be me. I was so touched. After talking for awhile, the five of us went to dinner. We were all in
separate cars so on the way to dinner I opened the gift that she brought us. It was a small pewter box filled with inspirational rocks. The last rock I picked up said "believe" and had a cross on it. So perfect! It just reminded me again how good God is. We could totally feel His presence with us.
Lauren picked a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. We had the grill to ourselves and enjoyed our meal together. Found out that she's a die-hard Colts fan so she and Todd had lots to talk about (that's his favorite team as well!). At the end of the dinner the social worker asked if she'd be okay with a picture of the three of us. She had mentioned that she doesn't love getting pictures taken but said that if she put herself in the baby's shoes she knew that someday he might want to see a picture of her. So, she said, for him she'd take the picture. We then shared another hug and thanked each other. This wasn't your typical "thank you". This thanks held so much meaning. We were thanking her for picking us to parent her child and for being so thoughtful of our feelings. She was thanking us for the years to come of us caring for her son. We cannot say enough about the wonderful person she seems to be. After meeting her this whole thing seems so much more real. We also now feel a bittersweetness that we didn't know before. We're looking forward to January but know that what will be a great day for us most likely will be a very hard day for her. Our hearts hurt for her and we pray that if this is what she feels is best that she will find peace in her decision.
