We received a call from our placing agency in Kansas a couple of weeks ago asking if they could show our book to a birth mother who has a drug history, including drug use while pregnant. They said the family of the birth mother was looking for a Christian family. Since we had specified on our paperwork that we would prefer that the birth mother not be on drugs during the pregnancy the agency didn't show our book without calling us first. Todd and I talked about it and decided to go ahead and let them show this family our book. In the meantime, this birth mother ended up being placed in jail after being picked up on a warrant for forgery. She was seen by a doctor there and the ultrasound showed that she is having a boy and due in September. Our agency was trying to get the medical records to determine all they could about the health of the baby. On our end we began contacting pediatricians and researching the risk to the baby because of the drug use during pregnancy and talking with a legal team about going through with an adoption where the birth father is unknown (this birthmother said all she knew about the birth father was his name). During this time, she was bailed out of jail by another agency that offers bail money if the pregnant mother will sign on to use their agency for the adoption (unethical but not illegal). Luckily our agency was made aware of this red flag. Our agency sat the birth mother down and asked her which agency she was going to use for the adoption. She was adamant she was using our agency and that she wanted to match with us. She even signed a form stating as much (the form is not legally binding). However, when our agency called the other agency to notify them of this, they stated that she just had just left their agency and signed a similar form stating she was working solely with them. Once we received the information from our agency that this birth mother was working with both agencies we decided not to match with her. We were prayerful about this decision. She was being dishonest and we just did not feel that it was in our best interest to be emotionally and financially invested in a situation where the birth mother might not even be planning to work with our agency or place the child for adoption for that matter. A large sum of money is required at the time of match and is non-refundable regardless if the mother goes through with the adoption or not.
We expected to have an adoption where the birth mother and father both sign away their rights and where the birth mother takes care of herself during the pregnancy. What we're learning is that this scenario isn't the norm for adoptions. That's where faith comes in. We just have to trust that God has just the right child picked out for us and that it might not be clean and easy like we pictured. We're praying that when the right birth mother comes along and wants to match with us, we'll have a sense that this is God's plan and can move forward even if it's out of our comfort zone.
