As expected, our state and federal background clearances/fingerprints came back clean. We reviewed the draft of our home study and offered suggestions for the final report. It will be mailed by our home study agency to our placing agency in Kansas tomorrow after the small adjustments are made. We finished our application for the placing agency and the past couple of weeks have been working on our scrapbook. It was an extremely time-consuming project but was well worth the time. It turned out amazing! I have a wonderful friend who helped make it just perfect. Heather spent many, many hours at our kitchen table helping put our life into a book. Each page goes into detail about who we are. We also included the Dear Birth Mother letter in the book. Each adoptive couple is required to write this letter which tells the birth mother about us, our life, our faith, our families, etc. The scrapbook and letter are all the birth mother gets to see of us so we tried very hard to give her all the information she would need to help make her decision. We brought the finished product here to Kentucky to show family and friends over the holidays and mailed it today to the agency in Kansas along with our application and application fee. Once all the pieces have been received by The Adoption Centre of Kansas, our file will be active with them. Then, birth mothers can begin looking at our book while we sit back and wait for one of them to pick us. We know that God already has a specific child picked out for our family and we can't wait to meet him/her.
Link to pictures of scrapbook - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=96971&id=1512782254&l=3442274919
Friday, December 24, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Steven Curtis Chapman - When Love Takes You In
I have a couple of very dear friends who attended the Women of Faith conference this past weekend in Hartford. They shared this video from the conference with me and I want to share it with you. Adoption was initially a way for us to grow our family when we were not able to have another biological child. Now, however, this adoption process has turned into a wonderful privilege. Through this, we are able to share Christ's love in an unbelievable way. This video captures this perfectly.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Choosing Our Placing Agency
There are 2 parts to an adoption, a home study and then the placement. Some agencies do both the home study and the placement where other agencies do one or the other. We had our home study done with an agency here in Connecticut, and this agency only does the home study portion of the adoption process. The next step was choosing a placing agency. Birth mothers go to the placing agency when they have decided to give their baby up for adoption. We felt somewhat overwhelmed in the beginning knowing that there are thousands of placing agencies to choose from. Each state has different laws and regulations when it comes to adoption. We knew we wanted to use an agency where birth mothers were in states where the consent to terminate their rights was very soon after birth and in states where this is irrevocable once signed. So, we started our hunt. We had a list of agencies that were recommended to us by friends that adopted, friends and family of friends that had adopted, and by our home study agency. We looked at each agency's website and then made a list of questions for the agencies, such as fees, are the monthly living expenses of the birth mother included in the fees, are the birth mother medical costs included in the fees, is legal included in the fees, how do they share our profile with the birth mother (scrapbook or interview), are they willing to show our profile to all birth mothers (some agencies make you specify a race and will only share your profile with birth mothers of that race), success rate, wait time, do they require drug testing on their birth moms, is the birth mom's prenatal care followed, and average wait time. I called each agency with these questions. Once we obtained their answers we discussed each one in detail. We narrowed it down to four agencies.
In the end, we knew The Adoption Centre of Kansas was the agency for us. During a phone conversation with them, one of their staff members answered a question I had with the response, "you know, that's a God thing." Because she said this I asked her if they are a Christian agency. They are not classified as a Christian agency, but she said that all the staff members there are Christians and that they know without God none of what they do would be possible. It was so comforting to hear this from the people who will have a major part in building our family. It's refreshig knowing they have the same values as we do.
As of now, our home study is being written by our home study agency, our fingerprints are being processed by the FBI, we've picked our placing agency (and have checked their licensure and standings), and are working on our application for the placing agency. The application has some tough questions. It asks you to check "yes" or "no" in columns regarding specific medical conditions of the baby, medical conditions of the birth mother, medical conditions of the birth father, and specific races of the babies. We found it very difficult to say "no" in any of the categories because it felt like we were saying "no, that baby's not good enough for us." We're working through each of these scenarios and are not yet done with the full application. After that's completed, we will begin working on our scrapbook. The scrapbook will be how we communicate who we are to the birth mothers. These books are what the birth mothers look through while trying to decide who they feel will be the most suitable parents for their baby.
In the end, we knew The Adoption Centre of Kansas was the agency for us. During a phone conversation with them, one of their staff members answered a question I had with the response, "you know, that's a God thing." Because she said this I asked her if they are a Christian agency. They are not classified as a Christian agency, but she said that all the staff members there are Christians and that they know without God none of what they do would be possible. It was so comforting to hear this from the people who will have a major part in building our family. It's refreshig knowing they have the same values as we do.
As of now, our home study is being written by our home study agency, our fingerprints are being processed by the FBI, we've picked our placing agency (and have checked their licensure and standings), and are working on our application for the placing agency. The application has some tough questions. It asks you to check "yes" or "no" in columns regarding specific medical conditions of the baby, medical conditions of the birth mother, medical conditions of the birth father, and specific races of the babies. We found it very difficult to say "no" in any of the categories because it felt like we were saying "no, that baby's not good enough for us." We're working through each of these scenarios and are not yet done with the full application. After that's completed, we will begin working on our scrapbook. The scrapbook will be how we communicate who we are to the birth mothers. These books are what the birth mothers look through while trying to decide who they feel will be the most suitable parents for their baby.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Fingerprints
As part of the adoption process, you have to be fingerprinted. The Friday before last we went to the state police headquarters in Middletown, CT and had our fingerprints done. The prints have now been mailed to the FBI in West Virginia. We've been told the processing of the prints take anywhere from 7 to 13 weeks. While we wait, we will be researching and choosing a placing agency. This will be the agency that hooks us up with a birthmother.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Finally!
It's been awhile! Guess you are wondering why the lack of posts. Well, we were stuck for awhile. Deciding on the country from which to adopt has by far been one of the toughest decisions we've ever made.
For us, the decision came down to two countries...Ethiopia and the United States. There were pros and cons to each and both carried different risks. We had a strong pull to Ethiopia but some of the main cons were the probability of malnutrition, the need to leave the country without Hayden twice (Ethiopia now requires adoptive parents make 2 trips...the first to meet your child and go before the courts, the second to bring your child home (usually a couple of months after the first trip)), and the effects of welcoming a baby of a different race into a predominantly Caucasian society. We struggled with the idea of leaving the country without Hayden especially with both of us being on the same airplane. And, sadly, we also worried about others accepting a child of a different race. Todd and I felt that we could handle any discrimination but had to think of the best interest of the child as well. As for the US, we really worried about the birth mother changing her mind which is the case 75% of the time or that there would be a sticky legal situation such as another father coming forward down the road claiming paternity. And, we also thought about how it would be to have a child who might want to meet his/her birth parents down the road.
Our passion for adoption was not in question, but making the decision about which country was very painful. The only way I can describe the feeling is this...I felt like we were on a cliff, ready to jump into the water. We knew we wanted to jump but for some reason we just couldn't make ourselves take that leap. It was a feeling of just wishing someone would come along and give us that push. We discussed and prayed about our decision for months. We didn't really feel God pushing us in either direction so that made it even more difficult.
But, we have finally come to a decision. We are going to adopt domestically! It really came down to the fact that if we adopted domestically we could do it as a family. Hayden will be able to travel with us and this gives us much more peace of mind. We are so excited to move forward in the process now and are so glad to have the turmoil over the decision behind us. There will never be a risk-free adoption, but we plan to just take each day as it comes. We know that we may face hardships during this process, but we also know that God will be with us as we face them. We look forward to seeing the blessings along the way.
Now that we've come to a decision, our next step is to have FBI fingerprints made. We will be traveling to our state police department in Middletown, Connecticut in the next week or so to be fingerprinted. We will then have to mail them to the FBI and await our completed card. It is about a 10 week wait so during those weeks we will be completing the required education courses regarding adoption, creating a scrapbook for the placing agency to use to share our life with the birth mothers, and writing our "Dear, Birth Mother" letter. We'll update more on these items as they happen.
We will continue to post updates as we go and hopefully there will be no more absences from us :)
For us, the decision came down to two countries...Ethiopia and the United States. There were pros and cons to each and both carried different risks. We had a strong pull to Ethiopia but some of the main cons were the probability of malnutrition, the need to leave the country without Hayden twice (Ethiopia now requires adoptive parents make 2 trips...the first to meet your child and go before the courts, the second to bring your child home (usually a couple of months after the first trip)), and the effects of welcoming a baby of a different race into a predominantly Caucasian society. We struggled with the idea of leaving the country without Hayden especially with both of us being on the same airplane. And, sadly, we also worried about others accepting a child of a different race. Todd and I felt that we could handle any discrimination but had to think of the best interest of the child as well. As for the US, we really worried about the birth mother changing her mind which is the case 75% of the time or that there would be a sticky legal situation such as another father coming forward down the road claiming paternity. And, we also thought about how it would be to have a child who might want to meet his/her birth parents down the road.
Our passion for adoption was not in question, but making the decision about which country was very painful. The only way I can describe the feeling is this...I felt like we were on a cliff, ready to jump into the water. We knew we wanted to jump but for some reason we just couldn't make ourselves take that leap. It was a feeling of just wishing someone would come along and give us that push. We discussed and prayed about our decision for months. We didn't really feel God pushing us in either direction so that made it even more difficult.
But, we have finally come to a decision. We are going to adopt domestically! It really came down to the fact that if we adopted domestically we could do it as a family. Hayden will be able to travel with us and this gives us much more peace of mind. We are so excited to move forward in the process now and are so glad to have the turmoil over the decision behind us. There will never be a risk-free adoption, but we plan to just take each day as it comes. We know that we may face hardships during this process, but we also know that God will be with us as we face them. We look forward to seeing the blessings along the way.
Now that we've come to a decision, our next step is to have FBI fingerprints made. We will be traveling to our state police department in Middletown, Connecticut in the next week or so to be fingerprinted. We will then have to mail them to the FBI and await our completed card. It is about a 10 week wait so during those weeks we will be completing the required education courses regarding adoption, creating a scrapbook for the placing agency to use to share our life with the birth mothers, and writing our "Dear, Birth Mother" letter. We'll update more on these items as they happen.
We will continue to post updates as we go and hopefully there will be no more absences from us :)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Physicals and Reference Letters
This week Todd and I both completed physicals in which they did a full body assessment, drew blood, conducted an EKG, administered a Tetanus shot, and administered a TB test. So far, looks as if we're healthy enough to adopt. Hayden has his 2 year check-up in a couple of weeks, and we'll have the pediatrician fill out his immunization form as well as his physical form. We are required to turn in Hayden's medical information to the agency as well.
On top of having physicals this week we also obtained the required reference letters. We had five family and friends fill out letters of reference on our behalf. We really appreciate the time and effort these individuals put into the letters. Each one had to include how long the individual has known us, their relationship to us, how much contact they have had with us and in what settings, how they would describe each us, the qualities they most admire in each of us, their observation of us interacting with other children, if they feel we are in a stable and secure relationship, description of us in terms of compatibility, commitment, communication styles, and values, if they feel each of us are committed to adoption and how they have assessed this commitment, how they have witnessed us respond to stressful situations, if there would be any problems for members of the extended family in terms of accepting an adopted child (ex: race, personality, physical characteristics different from their own, unknown medical information about birth parents or child), and finally, if they would recommend each of us as an adoptive parent. As you can tell, it was a very thorough letter, and again, we are very grateful that we have family and friends that were more than willing to take the time to complete the forms in order for us to continue the adoption process.
The lady we're working with at the agency is on vacation for 2 weeks, and we leave tomorrow for a family mission trip to Canada sponsored by our church. So, no action on the adoption front for the next few weeks.
On top of having physicals this week we also obtained the required reference letters. We had five family and friends fill out letters of reference on our behalf. We really appreciate the time and effort these individuals put into the letters. Each one had to include how long the individual has known us, their relationship to us, how much contact they have had with us and in what settings, how they would describe each us, the qualities they most admire in each of us, their observation of us interacting with other children, if they feel we are in a stable and secure relationship, description of us in terms of compatibility, commitment, communication styles, and values, if they feel each of us are committed to adoption and how they have assessed this commitment, how they have witnessed us respond to stressful situations, if there would be any problems for members of the extended family in terms of accepting an adopted child (ex: race, personality, physical characteristics different from their own, unknown medical information about birth parents or child), and finally, if they would recommend each of us as an adoptive parent. As you can tell, it was a very thorough letter, and again, we are very grateful that we have family and friends that were more than willing to take the time to complete the forms in order for us to continue the adoption process.
The lady we're working with at the agency is on vacation for 2 weeks, and we leave tomorrow for a family mission trip to Canada sponsored by our church. So, no action on the adoption front for the next few weeks.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Home Visit Complete
Todd completed his individual session with Lori on Monday in her office, and this morning she came here for the home visit. All outlets covered - check. Smoke detectors tested and working - check. Drawers with latches - check. Doors with latches - check. Safety knob covers on entrance and exit doors - check. Double lock to get to the deck - check. Gates for use at stairs - check. Extra bedroom for another child - check. House ready for another child - check! Since we are already child-proofed around here because of Hayden the visit was a piece of cake. Lori walked through the house and took notes as she went. We finished the home visit without anything needing to be fixed, purchased, etc. Another step complete.
Funny little story...Hayden decided to show Lori the way through the house for the home visit and when she got to his room he said "Lori, piggy bank" and pointed to the piggy bank on his shelf. She told him that she didn't have any coins in her pockets, and I quickly told him that we'd get some coins out of Mommy's purse and put them in the bank when Lori was done seeing the house. Hayden proceeded to cry and tell Lori again that she needed some money for his bank. Lori, being the kind and cooperative person that she is, went downstairs and got money out of her purse for Hayden to put in his bank. "Thank you much" he says. Guess he's charging an admission fee to see his room these days!
Funny little story...Hayden decided to show Lori the way through the house for the home visit and when she got to his room he said "Lori, piggy bank" and pointed to the piggy bank on his shelf. She told him that she didn't have any coins in her pockets, and I quickly told him that we'd get some coins out of Mommy's purse and put them in the bank when Lori was done seeing the house. Hayden proceeded to cry and tell Lori again that she needed some money for his bank. Lori, being the kind and cooperative person that she is, went downstairs and got money out of her purse for Hayden to put in his bank. "Thank you much" he says. Guess he's charging an admission fee to see his room these days!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Dana's Individual Session
On Monday, I met with Lori for my individual session. It was similar to the couples' session. I was asked lots and lots of questions about my childhood, how I was raised, about each person in my home growing up, etc. The session was fairly easy. After about an hour and a half with Lori by myself, Todd brought Hayden up to meet her, and we completed the last few questions of the couples' session that was started last week. Hayden was a trooper and played with the toys in her office while we answered her questions. It was nice to have him there with us and feel that he's a part of this process. After all, it is definitely a family event! We've started talking to Hayden more about what all this means for him. We're reading books about being a big brother and talking about having a baby in our home. So far, he seems very excited and positive about it. I know things may change once it happens but for now he's enjoying telling people that he's going to be a "big brotha". There is one book in particular that he loves. It's called "I'm a Big Brother!" We're literally reading it twice a day at this point (he asks to read it constantly)...before nap and before bed. I even found him sitting in his rocking chair in his room looking at the book the other day. His other favorite books have been ignored ever since we showed him this book. He's even started to memorize it. Todd was reading it to him the other night and would stop at certain parts and Hayden would fill in the words.
I'm also reading a great book about adoption. It's called "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore. Friends from church gave us this book when we started the adoption process. Come to find out, Russell Moore is a pastor at Highview Baptist church in Louisville and also the senior vice president and dean of the School of Theology at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville. His book is very touching. I was also given an article to read, and ironically, the article was about the book. I hadn't thought about how biblical the act of adoption really is until reading this book and this article. The article points out that adoption "is the act that most directly mirrors God's actions towards us." As Christians, we have been adopted into God's family. They put a new perspective on the process of adoption for me.
Todd will has his individual session next week, our home visit is next week (we now have everything in place for that), and we both have physicals set up for the following week. Moving right along!
I'm also reading a great book about adoption. It's called "Adopted for Life" by Russell Moore. Friends from church gave us this book when we started the adoption process. Come to find out, Russell Moore is a pastor at Highview Baptist church in Louisville and also the senior vice president and dean of the School of Theology at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville. His book is very touching. I was also given an article to read, and ironically, the article was about the book. I hadn't thought about how biblical the act of adoption really is until reading this book and this article. The article points out that adoption "is the act that most directly mirrors God's actions towards us." As Christians, we have been adopted into God's family. They put a new perspective on the process of adoption for me.
Todd will has his individual session next week, our home visit is next week (we now have everything in place for that), and we both have physicals set up for the following week. Moving right along!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Couples' Session
Todd and I had to write autobiographies about ourselves and turn them into the agency. Then, we had our couples' session this afternoon at the adoption agency. It was interesting sitting on a couch being interviewed about your relationship, from how you met to how you ended up sitting in an office hoping to be adoptive parents. The session took 2 hours and she still didn't get through all of her questions. There will be a second couples' session next week followed by each of us meeting with her individually. Todd and I also have to see a physician for physicals and TB skin tests (PPD), have background checks and child abuse checks, obtain Hayden's records, and get letters of recommendations. We will also have to have FBI fingerprints made for each of us. Interesting, huh? At least we're being fingerprinted for a good reason :) The actual home visit is scheduled for July 23rd. We are heading to Babies R Us soon to purchase some door knob covers and a few more outlet covers. We haven't had a need for the door knob covers with Hayden but were told that we need them in place. We don't have outlet covers in the guest bedroom and we're also told that we need them on any outlet a small child can reach. The home study process will be complete by the end of August. What we thought would take 3-4 months is really only going to take a little over 2 months. We are quickly having to come to our decision about which country we'd like to adopt from and which gender we would prefer. It's all so exciting and stressful at the same time.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The First Step
Many, many decisions are made in life. Some of them are easy, some of them are hard. I find when a hard decision comes along, the best way to make the decision is to pray about it and then take a leap of faith.
I guess I should back up a bit and tell you a little about why I've created this blog. Todd and I are about to embark on a very exciting journey. We're going to adopt a child! I thought, what better way to share our adoption journey with family and friends than with a blog.
So, that takes me back to the leap of faith part. We have already found that there are lots of decisions to be made when starting the adoption process. Which agency to use? Which country to adopt from? Which gender? What age to adopt? Truthfully, at times it has seemed a bit overwhelming. We've attended seminars, researched online, talked to a psychologist and asked ourselves questions like "what if the child has attachment issues, what if the child has a medical condition, what if the birth parent(s) change their mind at the last minute, what if the child is of another race, what if Hayden has a hard time adjusting, what if, what if, what if". That's where God comes in. There is so much comfort and peace in knowing that God is in control and that He will lead us in this process. We can pray about these "what ifs" and give it all up to God. It feels good to take a leap of faith and rest easy with God.
The big question everyone is asking us...will you adopt domestically or internationally? We have not decided on the country just yet. I'd say we are leaning more towards an international adoption at this point but will do a bit more praying and discussing before we decide for sure. However, we have decided on an agency to conduct our home study. This afternoon we'll be taking that initial leap of faith and turning in our adoption application with this agency. It's the first step of many towards meeting our child. We have some time to decide on which country we'll adopt from while the home study is being completed. We'll keep everyone posted with the details as we go. Thanks for coming along.
I guess I should back up a bit and tell you a little about why I've created this blog. Todd and I are about to embark on a very exciting journey. We're going to adopt a child! I thought, what better way to share our adoption journey with family and friends than with a blog.
So, that takes me back to the leap of faith part. We have already found that there are lots of decisions to be made when starting the adoption process. Which agency to use? Which country to adopt from? Which gender? What age to adopt? Truthfully, at times it has seemed a bit overwhelming. We've attended seminars, researched online, talked to a psychologist and asked ourselves questions like "what if the child has attachment issues, what if the child has a medical condition, what if the birth parent(s) change their mind at the last minute, what if the child is of another race, what if Hayden has a hard time adjusting, what if, what if, what if". That's where God comes in. There is so much comfort and peace in knowing that God is in control and that He will lead us in this process. We can pray about these "what ifs" and give it all up to God. It feels good to take a leap of faith and rest easy with God.
The big question everyone is asking us...will you adopt domestically or internationally? We have not decided on the country just yet. I'd say we are leaning more towards an international adoption at this point but will do a bit more praying and discussing before we decide for sure. However, we have decided on an agency to conduct our home study. This afternoon we'll be taking that initial leap of faith and turning in our adoption application with this agency. It's the first step of many towards meeting our child. We have some time to decide on which country we'll adopt from while the home study is being completed. We'll keep everyone posted with the details as we go. Thanks for coming along.
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